What is Anticipatory Grief?

Aug 5

How to navigate the expectations of loss.

We think of grief as a result of the death of a loved one. But grieving can also occur before the end-of-life. This experience is known as anticipatory grief and happens with the expectation of death or other loss types, such as losing capabilities or self-sufficiency. Loved ones experience anticipatory grief when a person is ill or dying.

What are the Symptoms of Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief has comparisons and differences with traditional grief.

The emotions are similar with both types of grief, but anticipatory grief can cause even more emotional distress. You may feel woeful on some days and not experience any grief on others. Guilt about conflicting emotions may also plague you. However, this is very common, and it does not mean you love the person any less. Everyone grieves uniquely; there is no right or wrong way to mourn.

Anticipatory grief can be confusing as a person navigates hope that their loved one will live beyond the prognosis — or even survive their illness. The result is the up-and-down nature of anticipatory grief.

Ten common symptoms of anticipatory grief include:

Physical problems - Insomnia, change in eating habits, cognitive flog, and aches and pains; chest pain, neck pain, headaches, and backaches.
Depression - Characterized by persistent sadness, anxiety, or exhaustion lasting for at least two weeks. Depression can have many other symptoms, from fatigue to restlessness, insomnia to oversleeping, and even physical pain.
Guilt - Feelings of intense guilt before a loved one's death may be overwhelming. For instance, you may pray for your loved one's suffering to cease, which also means their life would end. But, on the other hand, you may feel "survivor guilt" - knowing your life will go on. And you may also experience regrets over past conflicts concerning your loved one.
Anxiety - Marked by feelings of stress and concern. It can cause physical symptoms, including elevated blood pressure, trembling, and heart palpitations.
Desire to talk - A strong urge to share your feelings with someone who can understand and listen without discrimination. It's essential to find a support network or seek out a mental health professional if needed.
Anger - You may experience feelings of upset and difficulty coping with your loved one's anger.
Loneliness - Family and caregivers may experience intense loneliness before the death of their loved one. They may be hesitant to reveal grief while their relative is still alive, adding to their feelings of isolation.
Fear - It is normal to be afraid of your loved one's death and the changes their loss will bring, but it still fuels grief-related emotions.
Sudden sadness - Crying may arrive suddenly and unexpectedly. All of our senses play a role in this sadness - unexpected sights, sounds or thoughts can swiftly remind you of your imminent loss.
Thinking of life after the final breath - thoughts of what life will look like after your loved one's death. If you are dying, you may focus on how your loved ones will go on without you. These are standard elements; the process of admitting loss.

Benefits of Anticipatory Grief

For the dying person, anticipatory grief can help them concentrate on their most important and address any unresolved issues. It can help the person find meaning, achieve closure, and feel at peace. For family members, anticipatory grief acts as a means to settle estrangements and gain closure. For both patients and loved ones, it performs as an opportunity to say goodbye.

How to Cope

Take the time to do things you enjoy
As a caregiver, seek assistance from family, friends, a hospice volunteer, or a paid aide so that you can take a break
Engage in physical activity as often as possible. The movement of your body will help combat overwhelming emotions
Journal - put your thoughts on paper, don't worry about structure; write it out
Postpone mundane tasks when reasonable so that you can allocate more time with loved ones
Accept spiritual comfort