Volunteer Spotlight

Meet Caren McLane - Billings, Montana Volunteer

The Stillwater Hospice team values those who volunteer their time and dedication to our patients and families. This month we would like to introduce you to Caren McLane, an outstanding volunteer who supports our team in Billings, Montana.

Caren McLane’s Story

I remember being a very young teacher, over ten three-year-olds at church. I set up their tiny chairs in a semi-circle that first day, clearly expecting to be able to maintain their attention for the next couple of hours. I was so unprepared for the reality of my experience.

As I was as I started as a hospice volunteer. I had no motivation other than I have flexible, open days, am more introverted than not, and lean toward meeting the needs of the one.

Spending time with older adults

I’d never enjoyed older people; I’ll be completely honest. I was not too fond of the smell or look of nursing homes, I didn’t feel comfortable at all being in that setting, and I had no idea what to talk about or what I’d be facing when I signed up to do this. And to be fair, that’s true even now, years into it. It’s still all just a little out of my comfort zone. I’ve never had grandparents who I saw grow old and die. And before this, I’d never been around older adults, especially those with failing health and limited faculties. So it has taken me out of what’s familiar and easy and propelled me to stretch, partly because every person is unique.

And yet, at the same time, I’ve come a long way. I’m not concerned when I start to hear the same story for the fourth time in 15 minutes. I’m ok helping them with their slippers or shoes or clipping their toenails. I’m good just sitting and holding a hand. I’ve felt like a mom all over again as I’ve fed them their lunch and wiped their drool. I’ve made tuna sandwiches and helped get the dog its special food. I’ve watched more daytime tv than I have since I was sick at my grandma’s house in elementary school. I’ve done word puzzles with them, and I’ve found a lot of old Lawrence Welk episodes and loads of music from their days on my phone.

Dementia activities and entertainment

I bring a book with 3,000 conversational questions. One man thought I was a reporter. Another always prompted me, Ask me another question. I bring my crossword puzzle book, and we try them together. I have my Reader’s Digests if they want me to read to them. I’ve brought my little 100-piece puzzles, and we’ve worked on ones already there. But my phone has been the best resource for looking up musicals from the past, crooners from the early days, and videos of their favorite songs to watch together. But, of course, my favorite of all our activities is our walks, slow and shuffly.

Patience and understanding as a volunteer

In the beginning, they wonder who I am and what I’m doing. Most don’t understand. Some don’t recognize me from week to week. One was a little ornery, but I knew she wasn’t quite right. Mostly we sit and I ask questions. I love hearing about their childhoods and marriages and families and what they’ve done with their lives. Some can’t remember any of it, and others are sharper than I am. I’m pretty amazed by who they were or who they are inside their fading shells. Dancers, ranchers, parents, partners, believers, pet-lovers, politicians, teachers, fashionistas. They are just like us.

The unexpected blessings of serving others

I know for a fact this is all much more of a blessing to me than to any of the people I’ve interacted with over the years. Nothing really shocks me anymore. I’m much more familiar with Alzheimer’s and what a deteriorating mind looks like. My patience has grown immensely. As has my compassion for these lovely people who have lived whole and contributing lives but who are fading and nearly forgotten. I’m grateful for those who have extended family and lots of visitors, residing in little rooms littered with pictures and cards plastered to the walls. I’m so saddened when I hear others talk of families who have left them alone and who rarely check-in, those who are leaving this life lonely and wondering. Visiting with these men and women has made me want to be a kind and loving caretaker to my future elderly. Still, it’s also inspired and encouraged me to make the most of the days I have left, reminding me that it all comes down to our relationships. Volunteering has been a most special and humbling experience, nothing I’d prepared for and certainly not what I expected, but definitely worthwhile.

Reach out to our team if you are interested in pursing you own rewarding volunteer experience with Stillwater Hospice!